Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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