in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
