I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
