haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Boobs speak an international language.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
