the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So squirting runs in the family.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
