some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He shit in the fireplace
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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