Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I understand Curling. That high.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
