No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
