11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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