I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
