Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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