Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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