Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think people are normalizing furries
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
