I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
