Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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