Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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