Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
