Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
