Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
