Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
