Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
