Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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