Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No...this little piggys going to the bar
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
