Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
