I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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