even my farts smell like vagina
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
