I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's just like the Real World with babies
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i out mim tonsoeep
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