I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
