This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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