am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
