Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
