When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
