But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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