No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
