yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
