I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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