You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
