I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's always time for handjobs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
