Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
