worst night to have a conscience
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
