Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
