I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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