I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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