I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
