What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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