When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
