I think my fart just growled at me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
