Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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