yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
