They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
