I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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