Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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