Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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